sometimes it's just plain hard...

I'm not going to lie. I'm not a big fan of Korea. I usually like most counties I've ever visited. Actually, I've never been to another country that I didn't like until I came to Korea. Even in countries like Morocco where I had to dress a certain way, pull my hair back, squat every time I had to go to pee and never have wet hair in public, I still liked the country. But Korea, not so much. 

I have a lot of reasons why I don't like South Korea... but I haven't quite figured out why, unlike all the other times I've gone to other places, I haven't been able to look past the differences and just deal with it. It may be that this time I personally don't have anything to do job wise. Other times when I visited other countries I always had a job to do, hard work, labor, home schooling, working with churches, just something... this time I don't. It could be that, of every place I've ever visited, Koreans just don't seem to be very friendly people... actually they can be rather pushy. It could be that this time we have a son and I know that people at home in America are missing out on  watching him grow up. It could be that when we were coming here, we had thought about what it would be like and it turned out to be completely different. It could be that we came here hoping to save 'a lot' of money over the year we are here and it turns that we will be saving maybe a fourth of what we had planned. There are many more petty reasons why I am not a big fan of Korea but we don't want to get into them all... you don't want to be here all day do you? ;D

So ever since we have gotten here, 3 looooong months ago, I've been having this frustration build up in me. Josh and I talk about things here a lot. Mostly we talk about how we are trying to deal with things, at times it's how we can't believe Josh's school did something that they shouldn't have or things along those lines. I have been trying to be strong because I know my husband doesn't like it here either for the most part and he has to deal with way more then I do. Because of my attempt in being strong, I haven't allowed myself to cry, to admit how much I really do miss my home in America, to dwell on life here, to just simply freak out. Soooo.... what happens when Kayla does this? Well...

The other night my husband and I were brushing our teeth. I was trying to be careful while brushing as to not hit the back of my mouth too hard or brush it too hard because my wisdom tooth has been hurting something awful lately. My husband finishes brushing his teeth before me and on his way out he bumps into me causing me to jam my tooth brush directly in to my big, fat, swollen, red, painful gums. The majority of the pain really only lasted for about 5 seconds so it really wasn't too bad, but alas I cried.... and cried and cried and cried some more! I couldn't even have told you at the time why I was crying, but I was. I couldn't stop! Josh felt extremely bad because he thought I was crying because of the pain and he thought it was his fault... but I don't think I was. I was just crying to cry and everything I have wanted to cry about for 3 months finally came gushing out and I couldn't stop. Poor Hubby!

It is hard to live half way around the world from all your friends and family. It's hard not having simple comforts. It's hard to not speak the language and never have a clue what is going on. It's hard having to worry about you and your families safety because of stupid Northern countries. It's hard not being able to make it to your best friends wedding. It's hard not to see your sister-in-law and sister pregnant. It's hard not being there when my sister-in-law and her husband are going to adopt a baby, knowing we won't get to meet him/her until they are 9 months old. It's hard knowing that when your sister and sister-in-law give birth you won't see their babies until you get home. It's hard not seeing the nieces and nephews you already do have. It's hard knowing you will miss birthday's and holidays and Christmas and showers and weddings and simple family get-togethers. It's hard!

I know we signed up for this, I know that God wanted us to do this and He wants us to learn something from this. I know that He is still here with us and is guiding us through this. I know that this is all in His plan and Josh and I do completely trust Him and lean on Him. But it is none the less just plain hard!

Why can't God ever ask us to do something easy? Like test taste chocolate for a living or be missionaries on a cruise line or something... that would be nice...