Why am I here?

Ever since I have come to Korea I have been asking God this question, why am I here? I keep thinking that there must be something, some important, significant reason why God brought me here to Korea. I know why he brought my husband, he is doing an awesome job teaching and I'm sure he will learn a lot and touch the lives of the kids he comes in contact with, but I've been thinking what am I supposed to do here? I'm used to going on missions trips when I go to other countries, getting my hands in the dirt doing work or working with children or churches... here I don't have any of that. I'm just here... nothing significant for me to do or anything that just seemed important. 

So I've been wandering about everyday, thinking what should I do today. It's not like I don't have anything to do, on the contrary. I have an almost 8 month old son, laundry, cooking, ironing (never thought that would be on my list), diapers and all the other things moms do so it's not like I'm bored, there just doesn't seem like there is anything mission like to do... right?

So I got to thinking about it and I think I'm figuring it out... this, above, is why I am here. I am here to be a mom, which by no means is a small thing to do, and to be a supporting wife. I know my husband needs me here to support him as this is completely out of his element and he needs someone, nay, not anyone, he needs his wife, to stand by him and support him. I've realized that this is no small simple task, this is important, my husband needs me. I also know my son needs me, heaven knows diapers would not get changed and baths would not be taken and tummies would not be stuffed constantly if mommy was not here. I'm not saying my husband doesn't do those things, but there have been many a time when I've come home while Josh has been watching Gabriel and his diaper is brimming full and Gabriel is a tad bit fussy because he was supposed to eat 30 minutes ago. I've come to realize that of all the 'mission' trips I've been on this one, with these tasks, could be the most important one I've done yet. I'm a mommy and a wife, neither are 'easy' things to do but both are important and rewarding beyond belief. 

I've also realized that I CAN reach other people by being a mom and a wife. I've realized that there are really no stay at home mom's here in Korea... I've always wondered why... now my question has been answered. It seems that many people here, at least the ones I've met, seem to think that children are burdens and why would you give up work and life for a child. This is sad to me because I think being a mom is wonderful and so special, it's sad to me that people would find these little children, little joys, as burdens. 

I ran into a Korean mom here, she has a beautiful little girl who is 3 months old. I asked her what she did and she replied that she was a housewife. They way she said 'housewife' made me believe that she really did not enjoy the title or the job. It seemed as if it were a poisonous word for her to spit out.  After speaking with her a bit more I found out that she was on maternity leave and that she was completely bored with being at home with her baby. She said she couldn't wait to go back to work, she was counting the days of when she could do so and being at home was rather like prison. I also met another woman who told me that every time she saw me with Gabriel it made her want to start her family with her husband. When I told this particular woman that it would fun and worth it she looked at me like I was crazy. I told her that I loved being pregnant her words were "yeah, but then what about after, when the baby actually comes?" I told her that it was still completely worth every minute of it and she told me that she couldn't imagine that because you have to give up your entire life for a baby. 

I've thought maybe God wants me here with Gabriel to show other people that being a mom and spending time with your children is a wonderful thing and a gift to be treasured... not a burden to avoid. I love Gabriel so much, I love spending time with him and taking care of him. I love putting Gabriel to sleep at night when he is completely zonked out and I can just hold him and kiss him and he just lays there in my arms. I love the funny faces Gabe makes when he is eating and you give him something that is cold or something he doesn't like, I love it that when you give him something he does like he can't get enough of it and mommy just can't seem to get it in his mouth fast enough. I love to just watch Gabriel play with his toys and discover new things. I love that Gabriel wants me and that he needs me. I love to cuddle with him and give him sweet kisses. I love that he will just lay there sometimes and watch me like he is doing right now. I love him so much, I can't imagine him being a burden to me, no, he is such a blessing! Maybe this is why I'm here... I can be his mommy anywhere, but maybe, just maybe someone here needs to see me be his mommy...